How and why you should get friend-zoned? A guide to make friends.
Hello friends,
Apart from successfully disappearing from my website for almost two months now, I have been successful in one other aspect: getting friend-zoned, but in a good way.
I have finished my first month at university and honestly, it has felt like I have been here for years now, but not necessarily in a bad way. A lot of things have been keeping me busy:
Making friends
Adjusting to a new system
Exploring the campus
Trying to understand how to write research papers
Midterms
Clubs
More stuff that I can't reveal just yet ;)
All in all, super exciting things, but the reason I say it feels like I have been here for years is mostly because of point no.1: making new friends. This is not my first time being thrown into a new environment wherein I had to connect with new people, I am sort of a veteran when it comes to this aspect. I spent the majority of my schooling life in an Indian school where I made some of my greatest friends (we used to write fanfiction together), then, before starting high school, my parents decided to transfer me to a British school. At first, I was quite opposed to the idea of this transition because 1. I was adamant about the fact I won't be making friends and 2. I had an image at my school which would take years to replicate at this new school.
Now, I don't want to say making friends is easy- it certainly wasn't for me at the beginning, but I can say that it is not difficult, especially if you have the right approach. When I first transferred to the British school, I was basically friend-less for 6 months, not because I couldn't make friends, but I didn't allow myself to make friends. This, I believe, is the sole reason why most of us struggle to get our social gloves on: we don't allow ourselves to wear the gloves. However, things worked out and I actually ended up getting elected as student council president of my school within 3 years, which was possible because I allowed myself to pursue friendships.
Before I get into the how, allow me to discuss some of the whys. Why should I be trying to make friends? What is the point of getting to know more humans when I already have an abundance of humans to currently deal with? The thing is, we are basically a product of the people we know and the related experiences.
In order to maximize our chances of becoming a better product, we need an abundance of people and experiences, and there is an interesting connection between people and experiences where one can't exist without the other. So I guess the product essentially comes down to one factor: the people we choose to interact with. In my opinion, the person I am today has little to do with what I originally think about in contrast to what people I interact with encourage me to think about. A lot of my current interests, even this blog for that matter, only came about when I was in conversation with someone, or when someone made me deeply think about a particular subject. Another interesting thing I realized was that when I got thrown into a new environment, I was basically given a second chance at making my image since no one knew the old Zaynab. Not only could I edit out the goofiness (i did not.), but I could also add new elements to my personality since no one had my previous records at this new place. There was no need for replication, all that was needed was renovation :) .
I think the first rule to forming new friendships is forgetting you ever had friends. I know it sounds absurd, but oftentimes, we are so engrossed in comparing potential friends to our previous friends that we don't even find it necessary to make new ones. So, go with a blank slate, and you will only want that slate to be filled. Once you have that sorted, the ball is literally in your court. You are in control and get to decide what type of friends you want to make.
The second rule is sort of weird, but hear me out: instead of trying to look for friends, I advise you to become the friend. Start a conversation. Ask a question- it could literally be anything. If you want to find a potential friend sharing similar interests, ask a question that aligns with it and you will certainly find someone responding with a 99% chance of you two sharing the same interest. If that doesn't work, stick to something basic. My personal favorite is asking someone their current favorite color because I think it says a lot about the person and their vibe.
The third rule is to do what you like. Most of my favorite friendships have come about from my extracurriculars, or when I chose to talk about something I am passionate about with another person. The thing with this rule is that it is not really a rule, you get to explore your passions and the by-product of this process is you meeting like-minded people. One of the reasons I chose to go to the University of Toronto is because I know it can be a challenge and I like a challenge. Now, challenges can be daunting, but it can be an enriching experience when you have people sharing similar interests. I knew I could find people of my niche at UofT, and so far, it has been going alright. It is not always easy and I want everyone to know that- you have to give it time.
Speaking of challenges, my last rule is a fun little activity you should try out every once in a while. Interact with a club/activity/friend you typically would not go for: Why? Because you also want people who could potentially broaden your horizon and introduce you to novel things. I know your existing friends could do the same, but you also want to grow your network and only something unexpected can help you out of your typical niche.
Friendships are beautiful, and I recently finished a book called Aristotle and Dante Dive Into The Waters of the World, which was essentially about a relationship, but I was taken aback by the way the author portrayed friendships in the book. Friends are not only supposed to be your comfort people, but they should annoy you, and most of all, they should make you think and ponder why you do things the way you do. Friends are basically a question bank, actually, a discussion bank: you are free to say whatever and they are free to do the same- no judgements. They are an infinite loop of opportunities which you get to cherish ( i hope I am not objectifying my friends right now.)
So, friends, I hope this brief guide helped you realize how you can potentially make friends and why getting friend-zoned is an act of accomplishment.
Looking forward to all of you getting friend-zoned :)
